What a lovely day Quinn thought Saturday morning, good day to take a run! Oh! Daddy is rising from the dead, whoop whoop! Wait! Where is Daddy going with the food lady?
Friggin iPads. Okay here’s the deal with iPads and iPods and iPhones IMHO: You do not need the expensive memory! Use your computer and backups to store music, books and photos… But, no -DH buys the mid range, extra memory iPad for $800. Then…
One evening in a far away land, (the garage) DH exits his chariot (the mistress otherwise known as ‘the porsche-bitch’) and fills his arms with things (milk (my fault), briefcase, lunchbox, and balanced (not really) on top: the iPad. Then while shutting the trunk, (bending over to do it) iPad sees a rare opportunity to fly away to freedom!
Sadly, iPad realizes, moments before and during hitting concrete floor: “WTF? Why did I ever think I could fly?”
Ipad hits concrete floor, bottom corner first and makes a crinkling-crackling sound as spiderweb-fractures spread across its embarrassed face!
Oh, Oh! DH says: “My Bad!”
I say: “Oh no! All my books on iBook and Kindle!”
For clarification: yes, I can read them on iPod but that’s like 50 words a page and a simple novel is like thousands of pages! And, it makes my hand go numb holding the little thing for so long inches from my face. DO I really need to complain? –My fault: old tired eyes!
Wait three months. Leave iPad in box -where it actually enjoys this punishment. WIth weeks left on warranty, drive to Apple Store in Greensboro, talk to genius. Joy! Joy! –they will swop broken for new for only $300, should buy Apple care for $99 because future drops are $49 each (you only get 2 drops though)
I notice new mini iPad is size of one book page and definitely on my ‘to buy someday’ list.
It’s 11:00 am and the next available time slot is 3:15pm. Did I mention it’s an hour drive?
So, off to P.F.Changs for a gin and tonic and calamari. Then, to Greensboro Farmer’s market, sampled amazing Chocolate Truffles made from goat cheese OMFG! I did NOT buy those delicious morsels! I know they are genetically predisposed to go straight to hips or belly! Bought gumbo ingredients.
Head back to Apple Store, 15 minutes early, where Mr Busy Genius was taking a break but another little genius jumped in to help… the new iPad slipped out of her hand and almost fell on the floor when she took it out of the box to activate! Um, these iPads are apparently like those mysterious (don’t ask don’t tell) slippery filled noodles found only at real dim sum restaurants.
Whilst waiting I grab a genius to ask if I can batch remove email addresses from the root using a firstname.lastname@example.org command. I was told by Genius Couple: Perky Genius and Goofy Genius that Facebook is so convenient! I can put a app on my iPhone to access it, I clarify and they give me 2 smiles better suited for androids (no not the phones!)
May I have another, please?
Return home to endure w well-deserved tongue lashing from Quinn, who barked at us for 10 minutes, here is a transcript of what he said several times:
1. Why did you have to buy the figging expensive iPad? Don’t you love ME?
2. Why aren’t you more careful! Don’t YOU love me?
3. Didn’t you realize the iPad was precariously balanced? Don’t you LOVE me?
4. For all that money you could have driven to a snowy place, got a hotel room and mushed us… Don’t you LOVE ME?
5. Why did you buy vegetables and NOT dog cookies! YOU LOVE ME! Damit!
He was, of course, correct on all accounts. Sunday morning I made wonderful dog cookies as my penance (even though DH dropped the iPad)
Penance Dog Cookies:
1 can pumpkin
1 cup corn meal
Lots of vile pea protein, we can’t gag down but dogs LOVE
roll out, bake 350 degrees, 25 minutes, use pizza cutter to make 1/2 inch nibbles squares