Frigging iPads, or the tale of Quinn’s Woeful Saturday

What a lovely day Quinn thought Saturday morning, good day to take a run! Oh! Daddy is rising from the dead, whoop whoop! Wait! Where is Daddy going with the food lady?

Friggin iPads. Okay here’s the deal with iPads and iPods and iPhones IMHO: You do not need the expensive memory! Use your computer and backups to store music, books and photos… But, no -DH buys the mid range, extra memory iPad for $800. Then…

One evening in a far away land, (the garage) DH exits his chariot (the mistress otherwise known as ‘the porsche-bitch’) and fills his arms with things (milk (my fault), briefcase, lunchbox, and balanced (not really) on top: the iPad. Then while shutting the trunk, (bending over to do it) iPad sees a rare opportunity to fly away to freedom!

Sadly, iPad realizes, moments before and during hitting concrete floor: “WTF? Why did I ever think I could fly?”

Ipad hits concrete floor, bottom corner first and makes a crinkling-crackling sound as spiderweb-fractures spread across its embarrassed face!

Oh, Oh! DH says: “My Bad!”

I say: “Oh no! All my books on iBook and Kindle!”

For clarification: yes, I can read them on iPod but that’s like 50 words a page and a simple novel is like thousands of pages! And, it makes my hand go numb holding the little thing for so long inches from my face. DO I really need to complain? –My fault: old tired eyes!

Wait three months. Leave iPad in box -where it actually enjoys this punishment. WIth weeks left on warranty, drive to Apple Store in Greensboro, talk to genius. Joy! Joy! –they will swop broken for new for only $300, should buy Apple care for $99 because future drops are $49 each (you only get 2 drops though)

I notice new mini iPad is size of one book page and definitely on my ‘to buy someday’ list.

It’s 11:00 am and the next available time slot is 3:15pm. Did I mention it’s an hour drive?

So, off to P.F.Changs for a gin and tonic and calamari. Then, to Greensboro Farmer’s market, sampled amazing Chocolate Truffles made from goat cheese OMFG! I did NOT buy those delicious morsels! I know they are genetically predisposed to go straight to hips or belly! Bought gumbo ingredients.

Head back to Apple Store, 15 minutes early, where Mr Busy Genius was taking a break but another little genius jumped in to help… the new iPad slipped out of her hand and almost fell on the floor when she took it out of the box to activate! Um, these iPads are apparently like those mysterious (don’t ask don’t tell) slippery filled noodles found only at real dim sum restaurants.

Whilst waiting I grab a genius to ask if I can batch remove email addresses from the root using a wildcard@facebook.com command. I was told by Genius Couple: Perky Genius and Goofy Genius that Facebook is so convenient! I can put a app on my iPhone to access it, I clarify and they give me 2 smiles better suited for androids (no not the phones!)

May I have another, please?

May I have another, please?

Return home to endure w well-deserved tongue lashing  from Quinn, who barked at us for 10 minutes, here is a transcript of what he said several times:

1. Why did you have to buy the figging expensive iPad? Don’t you love ME?
2. Why aren’t you more careful! Don’t YOU love me?
3. Didn’t you realize the iPad was precariously balanced? Don’t you LOVE me?
4. For all that money you could have driven to a snowy place, got a hotel room and mushed us…  Don’t you LOVE ME?
5. Why did you buy vegetables and NOT dog cookies! YOU LOVE ME! Damit!

He was, of course, correct on all accounts. Sunday morning I made wonderful dog cookies as my penance (even though DH dropped the iPad)

Penance Dog Cookies:
1 can pumpkin
1 egg
1 cup corn meal
Lots of vile pea protein, we can’t gag down but dogs LOVE
roll out, bake 350 degrees, 25 minutes, use pizza cutter to make 1/2 inch nibbles squares

Siberian Husky Rap Song

Siberian Rap Rap

Hanging in the hood
colors black and white
gangsters looking real good
scrapping for a fight…

Big bad boss, my man Mukki
looking sleepy, feeling mellow
go ahead and steal his cookie
gonna end up one sorry fellow

Lurking behind, the Mighty Quinn
he’s got an eye on Mukki’s role
but he’s a viper full of sin
puppy gonna grab that Alpha goal

Queen Tala’s pretty mean
pretty eyes, killer smile, cold heart
you on her turf, crossing her scene
baby, you better run, she gonna fart

Shy and quiet, little lethal Lulu
ice cold. dead cold killer blue eyes
she watching, she watching you you
make that call, write that letter bye bye

This is our crew, this our gang
wearing our colors, walking our walk
outa our way or feel the bang bang
you gonna wish you heard our talk talk

Oh! the inhumanity of Quinn!

DH playing computer games, mad at Quinn

Tensions strained between DH & Q!

When Quinn was just shy of 1 year old, he jumped on the bed and landed full force on DH’s kidney. My poor man had to endure the indignity, pain and expense of a lacerated kidney. The first Dr. he saw in Urgent Care was unsympathetic when my husband told him the ‘puppy’ jumped on his back. Maybe, DH should have mentioned the Puppy was an 11 month old siberian husky at full speed leaping and crash-landing all 60 pounds on his back! This, catapulted Quinn to the top of the Damages Scale, not to mention pain and suffering.

A Sad Dog

A Sad and Sorry Quinn

Yesterday, Quinn and DH once again collided: sharp claws met tender husband. Their relationship last night was a chilly. My perky reminders that all could have been worse, at least there was no emergency room trip or major expenses were not received well, either. I join Quinn in the dog house!

If this is how Q starts the week, I can only hope it was the low point and not the first shoe to drop!

Oh, the thunder!!! The terror!!!

Mukki had no qualms facing down a 8 foot black racer and ripping its head off but a little thunder and he is trying to crawl into my lap! He forced himself between my legs and shivered while I held him! Poor baby, he is so scared! Quinn tries to comfort Mukki by chewing off his whiskers, which is just frigging odd! But, Quinn is odd. Maybe he is desensitizing him… or maybe he is just crazy

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Mukki was found in the mountains, bone thin and covered in ticks. He was on IV for three days and no one thought he’s make it. I’m guessing he lived through some very frightening storms all alone in the wilderness! He is traumatized during these storms. Quinn tries to calm him but he eventually gives up. Quinn stands in out in the pouring rain, grinning like a madman!

Let me outa here!

tala wants out

This is the wonderful, custom wooden boardwalk these spoiled beast have to get into the Gulag out back (100x75ft) because they don’t like getting mud on their precious little feet! And yes, there are stepping stones to the dog house, but only the girls use them… Tala likes to poop on them… sigh!

Actually, the gate is normally not set like this, the run is actually attached to the house and to a doggy door. They have a nice little porch and flagstone patio then the boardwalk… as I said the most spoiled dogs in the world! But, we needed to haul some mulch through their kingdom!

These are the most spoiled dogs in the whole frigging world!!!!!